control.control.control.

I think the hardest things about Jade adapting in a new place is her need to control everything.

I hate how I get thrown out of my comfort zone and start scrambling. I read this great quote by Molly Ringwald the other day. It wasn't extremely philosophical but I keep going back to it. They asked her-"What's the best advice you could give to someone?" She said something to the affect of "Keep composure...and remember it really IS going to be OKAY."
And it's almost laughable when I vocalize it all my fears-
Which is what I was told to do a long time ago to cope with my OCD.

I find myself repeating

"Jade, it's OKAY that your index cards are not lined up perfectly."
"Jade it's OKAY that your face is not perfectly symmetrical."
"Jade it's OKAY that the left scoop of ice cream is not the same size as the right."
"Jade it's OKAY that your clothes aren't organized by color and size."
"Jade that is a mosquito bite-not cancer."
"Jade-those are heart palpitations from your anxiety. You're not having a massive heart
attack at the age of 19."

It's laughable, even writing it out. The fear is irrational and misplaced.


But if YOU saw my note cards...


You would understand.